The 54th Enron AD. (Satire To Avoid Libel.. Big Time)
The 54th Enron A.D.
The 1940s
This Is Your Enron
I. Truman Quote: “The Only Thing New In The World Is The History You Don’t Know”
II. Set The Record Straight; The Only Thing Kenneth Lay Is Guilty Of Is Doing What He Was Instructed To Do
III. Hitler Attacks From The West; Western Accountants Study The Investment Company Act & Liggio’s “Expectations Gap”
IV. Hitler Begins Eliminating The Jewish Race By Awarding Dr. Wirths A Nobel Prize For Uterine Cancer Research
V. Baptist Ministers, Lay And King Begin Task Of Slaying Communism Once Again
VI. Newt McPherson Mechanic’s Wages Of $200.00 Per Hour Permit Him To Afford Starting A Family; This Amount Of Wage Inflation Is Unprecedented In The History Of Labor
VII. Big Newt Considers Naming His Newborn Son George Washington II
VIII. Roosevelt First Words Upon Hearing Of Pearl Harbor: “Maybe They Were Just A Bunch Of Terrible Pilots”
IX. Hypochondriacs In Congress Make The NCI An Operating Division Of The National Institutes Of Health
X. NCI Dry-Reads Polyp On Hitler’s Left Vocal Chord
XI. Dr. Eichen Follows The Hypocratic Oath To The Letter; It Must Never Happen Again, Unless Your Profession Is Sworn To “Do No Harm”
XII. Cold War Socialism Fear Rises; Truman Suggests Socializing Health Care
XIII. Alan Ewalt Born; Mr. Ewalt Considers Directing Alan In A Career In Socialized Health Care
XIV. Ho Chi Minh Hates The French Too
XV. Immigrant Wave Arrives To Take Jobs Striking Workers Don’t Want
XVI. U.S. Saves Europe; Americans No Longer Fear Having To Speak German.. Like The House Of Windsor
XVII. U.S. Begins Outsourcing Jobs To Japan
XVIII. Mistaken As A French-Indian, Peter Dewey Is First To Die In Vietnam
XIX. “Animal Farm” Established As A Pharmaceutical Research Lab
XX. Bugsy Siegel And Partners Purchase El Cortiz Hotel-Casino In Las Vegas
XXI. Arthur Anderson Starts Cooking Halliburton’s Books And Reagan Exclaims: “Well.. Here We Go Again”
XXII. Air Traffic Controller’s Wages Begin Eventual Climb To The Historically Unprecedented Level Of $200.00 Per Hour
XXIII. Atomic Bomb Fails To Intimidate U.S. Labor Unions
XXIV. Truman Makes Another Controversial Announcement:’ I Believe In Two Things.. 1: God 2: God Wants Cheap Products And Services.. Not $200 Per-Hour Air Traffic Service Workers”
XXV. The First Transistor Demonstrated For The CIA; Americans Begin To Learn The Purpose Of Roosevelt’s Gold Policy
XXVI. Von Hayek, Ronald Reagan, AT&T, LSAT, The DOD, The CIA, Arthur Anderson, Hank Greenburg, The University Of Missouri And The Newly Established World Bank Begin Debating The Potential Rise Of Wage Inflation In the Computer Services Profession; Banning Overtime & Introduction Of A 401K Put On Table
XXVII. Machinists Average $1.56 An Hour; Mout Pelerin Defines Communism As $1.57 An Hour
XXVIII. House Un-American Affairs Committee, Skull & Bones, Taft, Hartley And Brer Truman Begin Debating Digital Revolution And The Impact Of $400,000.00 A Year Service-Job Salaries
XXIX. Reagan Campaigns As A Democrat After Noticing Give-Em-Hell Harry The Liberal Socialist Is Looking Out For The Working Class
XXX. The Great Communicator Passes Up A $1.56 Air-Traffic Controller Job To Become An Actor
XXXI. George 41 Enters Skull & Bones
XXXII. New York Post Prints Famous Headline: “DEWEY WINS – AS IF VOTING MATTERS”
XXXIII. LSAT Begins Rigging Trials, Judges And Juries As Far Into The Digital Future As 2004
XXXIV. Consumers & Baptist Ministers Want Cheap Products And Services; Crozer Theological Seminary Begins Focusing On Wage Inflation
XXXV. Marshall Plan Outsources Jobs To Europe
XXXVI. Kenny Boy’s Parents Move Closer To The University Of Missouri, Columbia Campus
XXXVII. The Kings, The Lays And Mother Theresa Begin Fretting The India Electricity Supply Act
XXXVIII. State Of Israel Proclaimed; New State Is Located In Las Vegas, Nevada; Newly Proclaimed State Vows To Reduce Machinist Pay From Its Current Unacceptable Level Of $1.46 An Hour
XXXIX. From The Campus Of U of M, Columbia, Hank Greenberg Says: “The Internet Is Here To Stay”
XL. Computer Mainframes Introduced Commercially; Capable Of Counting Only Up To 1999; Dr. Suess & The Aspen Institute Continue To Fret Rising Nerd Wages
The 54th Enron A.D
The 1950s
I. Dr. Suess Diagnoses John Mercer Walker With Polio; Suggests Second Opinion With UCLA’s New “Willed Body Parts” Program Director
II. McCarthy Claims He Has List Of 205 Nerds Working In The State Department’s IT Division
III. The Waksal’s Flee France; Move To Dayton
IV. Truman Orders Army To Seize Railroads
V. Unconcerned With U.S. Labor Unrest, Korea And Vietnam Issues, Mother Theresa (The Patron Saint Of Offshoring) Arrives In Calcutta; Begins Monitoring Progress Of India Electricity Act
VI. The Limbaughs And The Kinders Play “Bridge” In Missouri; Conversation Turns To Renewal Of The Fun-Filled Era Of The Victorian Age
VII. Thomas Watson, Jr. Becomes President Of IBM
VIII. Richard Scrushy Born In Selma, Alabama; Father Works For NCR (Remember The NCR Monopolists?)
IX. Supreme Court Establishes Montgomery, Alabama As Official Trial Location For Baptists Sympathetic To Corporate Monopoly
X. Adelphia’s Rigas Believes The Internet Is Here To Stay; Promotes Cable Act
XI. Rigas Plans Satellite Communication Center For Reinhardt College’s For-Credit“Renewing American Civilization Course”
XII. My Fair Lady Begins Preparing Indian Telemarketers To Speak Better English Than Americans
XIII. Queen Elizabeth Officially Converts Windsors From German To English
XIV. By Ruling Seizure Of Steel Mills Unconstitutional The Supreme Court Makes It Seem Like There Is A Difference Between The 3 Branches Of Government
XV. Hanson And Newt Take An Interest In Animals
XVI. George 41 Starts Zapata Petroleum Group ; President Of Memorial Sloan Kettering, John Mercer Walker (Skull & Bones) Treats Robin Bush.. Unsuccessfully
XVII. Nova Launched As Natural Gas Pipeline Firm In Alberta
XVIII. Eisenhower Cites “Dominoes Pizza Theory,” Shortly After Cites “Legatus Business Theory”
XIX. Ellis Island Closes Marking A Beginning Of Mass-Immigration By Plane
XX. Encyclopedia Americana Completely Distorts Newt’s Perception Of History
XXI. The French Continue To Irritate America’s Next Enemy
XXII. National Review And Bilderbergs Debate Issues Surrounding IBM Computer Mainframe & Rising Nerd Wages
XXIII. French Mission Accomplished; French Leave Vietnam; Gingrich Family Moves To France
XXIV. 21 Years After First Links Of Asbestos To Cancer World Health Organization Raises Concerns
XXV. Barely Out Of Diapers, Bin Laden Bombs Saigon
XXVI. Herman Hollerith And A Number Of Leading Philadelphia Quakers Advise Russia To Launch Sputnik
XXVII. Eisenhower Launches ARPA; Predicessor To The Internet
XXVIII. French Speculative Market Suffers “Vertigo”
XXIX. French Market Crash Becomes Foundation Of Newt’s Epiphany At Verdun, France
XXX. Yugoslavia Outsources Tannery Jobs To Sudan
XXXI. Speaker Of Hatred, Mark Hanson Is Born (Enron Note: Check This Character Out On September 09, 2001)
Enron 54 A.D.
The 1960s
I. General Electric Strike
II. Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt (FUD) Coined By IBM Investors Regarding Rising IT Wages
III. “Computer Programmer” Becomes A Title In U.S. Census; Becomes Extinct Following 9-11
IV. Watson Commits $5 Billion To Develop IBM System 360
V. Martin Luther King & Gandhi (The Italian) Visit General Electric’s Aging Hydro-Electric Plant In India
VI. IBM System 360 Discovered To Be Incapable Of Counting Past 1999; Due To Budgetary Constraints, Remediation Efforts Put On Back Burner
VII. Phil Gramm Hired As Bank Of America Janitor
VIII. Newt Graduates Baker High School; Columbus, Georgia Becomes Valley Forge
IX. Tyco Formed As Investment And Holding Company In Massachusetts; Flees Religious Persecution To Bermuda In July, 1997
X. Queen Elizabeth II Reiterates House Of Windsor Desire To Stop Speaking German
XI. Mortality Concerns Hit Billy Tauzin; Demand For Southern Rocket Scientists Escalates
XII. The Desolate Wilderness: Wall Street Journal Revisits The The Dutch Settlement Scheme
XIII. World-Wide Wage Inflation Paranoia Continues
XIV. Canadian Market Panic
XV. $3.10 An Hour Machinist Wages Underscore Need For War
XVI. “Vatican II” Prepares For Italian Market Crash
XVII. British Market Crash; Niam Dangoor Flees Investor Persecution, Changes Name To Thurston Howell III And Books Passage On U.S. Minnow
XVIII. National Medical Enterprises (Tenet) Admires (Lobbies For?) “Great Society” And Johnson Liberalism; Sees Medicare Profit
XIX. Lay Graduates U of M At Columbia; Promoted By Exxon After Suggesting A California-Style Blackout In The Northeast
XX. Fairchild Semiconductor Director, Gordon Moore, Plots The Relationship Between 1999 And 2000
XXI. Inquisition Renamed Congregation Of The Doctrine Of Faith
XXII. Gingrich, Gramm, Hanson & Scrushy March In Selma
XXIII. IBM 360 Rollout Looks Black, Black, Black
XXIV. Skull & Bones Recruits Kerry
XXV. Newt Decides He Is Not The Gladiator Type; Notices No Soldiers In Napoleon’s Army Or Valley Forge Had Flat-Feet
XXVI. Lernout & Hauspie Help Newt Write Tulane Thesis: “No Belgian Congo Child Left Behind”
XXVII. Hanson Becomes University of Alabama Dean And Professor Of Pharmacology
XXVIII. Third Branch Notices Southern Bible Belt Jurists Are Most Sympathetic To Political/Corporate Monopolists
XXIX. Edward R. Murrow, Lurleen Wallace & Walt Disney Die Of Cancer
XXX. At Eight Years Old, Another Hanson Registers For Selective Service Under The Name “Hamza“Yusuf”
XXXI. Robert Bartley Explains Rothchild’s View Of Military Arms & Economics
XXXII. Sam Waksal Predicts The Collapse Of Liberalism
XXXIII. Enron Alert: Timothy Simeon Lake Graduates From University Of Texas Law School
XXXIV. Gold Literally Floats: Demand For Astronaut Visors Exceeds That Of Electrical Contacts & Charged Coupled Devices
XXXV. Space Mechanics Now Earn $3.10 An Hour
XXXVI. For Some Strange Reason, The Economic Period Between 1970 And 1993 Becomes Very Boring
Enron 54 A.D.
The 1970s
This Is Still Your Enron & This Is The Third Top-Ten Of The Top Eleventh Enron
Computer Enabled Enron Dot Connection Commences
I. Naim Dangoor Witnesses First Hand Just How Tough Exile Is
II. McCloskey, Jonathon Bush, Father Charles Weiser, Darleen Drunyun & John Mendesohn Discus Erbitux While Dining At University Of Alabama Cafeteria; Table Waited On By Scrushy And Hanson
III. Term “Early 70s” Becomes Davinci Code For “Avoided Draft”
IV. Senators Start “Playing Ball” At Enron Field
V. University Of Missouri Alumnists Kenneth Lay And Pinkney Walker Have An Energetic Reunion
VI. 9-11 Anniversary; Thomas Aquinas Founded; Ellsberg Office Burglarized Giving The Appearance There Is A Difference Between Republicans And Democrats
VII. Judge Harlan, David Sarnoff & Duke Of Windsor Die Of Cancer
VIII. Laundry Day Buried Lead: “National Cancer Act” And Certificate Of Need Welfare Seen As Boon To Health Care Socialist Monopolists
IX. Black Lung Act Benefits Respiratory Department At Selma Hospital
X. War Against Cancer & Communism Begins In Ernest: Bush43 Graduates From Harvard; WTC Completed; Lay Named Deputy Undersecretary Of Energy At India’s Interior Department; Zarb Becomes India Energy Czar; Bernardino Begins Working At Arthur Anderson; Melinda Harmon Gets Clubby At University Of Texas Law School, Winnick & Milken Prosper From Junk Bond Business; Bartley Becomes Editor Of Wall Street Journal
XI. Forrest Gump Saddened To Hear Prescott Bush Wasting Away To Nothing But Skull & Bones
XII. Heritage Foundation Does A Legatus; Prepares For U.S. Market Crash
XIII. Hatch Attends Hourani Mormon Conversion
XIV. Suspected Of Being Deep Throat, Texas Stock Analyst, David Tice Warns: “Everybody’s Investment Is In Danger”
XV. Scrushy Graduates University Of Alabama; Waksal Graduates Ohio State; Von Hayek Advises Both On Health Care As A Monopoly Opportunity Thus Renewing American Civilization
XVI. McClellan, Waksal & Carl Liggio Wait Tables At Stanford University; Discuss Accounting “Expectations Gap” Resulting In 1973-2000 Market Crash
XVII. Kinder Morgan And Lay Cancel Subscription To Goss’s Florida Newspaper
XVIII. Chet Huntley And “Big Newt” Die Of Cancer
XIX. Gingrich Begins Congressional Cancer Crusade
XX. Turkey Takes Page Out Of History; Resolves Greek Engineers Coup
XXI. U.S. Government Approves Of Gold Debasement Plan
XXII. Northrop Grumman Prepares For Global Traffic; Builds Telecom Infrastructure In Nation Of Saudi Arabia
XXIII. Nixon War On Cancer Continues; Waksal Researching At NCI and NIH
XXIV. Sami Al Arian Hears Of Martha Moxely Murder; Soon Becomes Candidate For 2005 Blair Deportation Plan
XXV. Woodward & Bernstein’s Tell-All Tells Little
XXVI. One Million Canadian Workers Protest Nixon Wage Controls
XXVII. Computer Associates Begins Pretending To Sell Software
XXVIII. Ellison Founds Oracle
XXIX. Kissinger Asks Chou En-Lai, Lester Markel, John D. Rockefeller, Interior Secretary Morton And Hubert Humphrey If Cancer Act Passed In Time; Answer: “Too Soon To Tell”
XXX. Southwire Exec And 12 Wealthy Financial Backers Pay Newt To Write A Cold-War Novel Describing The Obscure “Pole Attachment Act Of 1978”
XXXI. Father McCloskey Begin Working As Merrill Lynch Broker
XXXII. David And Maureen Hartman Visit Carter Family; Discuss Cerner Foundation In Missouri; Consider Naming Global Crossing Submarine Project “Operation Petticoat”; Billy Compliments Maureen On Her Brown Scapular
XXXIII. Gingrich Begins Serving In U.S. Congress; Belnick Begins Serving Paul, Weiss, Rifkin, Wharton & Garrison; Hussein Begins Serving Iraq Presidency
XXXIV. Communist Russia Begins Slaying Communism In Afghanistan
The 54th Enron A.D.
The 1980s
The 1980s Is Two Enrons Within An Enron
The Previous Chapter (The 1970s) Was A Top Ten
The Next Top-Ten Is 1993
I. Executive Order 13233 Explains How Democracy Really “Works” And Why Nobody Knows Anything About Enron
II. Magnum P.I. Follows Another Market Crash; Picks Up Where Hawaii Five-0 Leaves Off; Hip Laid-Back Cop Protects Harken Board Members
III. Sacred Heart Parish In Detroit Presents Saddam With Key To City
IV. Father McCloskey Opts For Priesthood Over Merrill Lynch Broker Position; Main Job Is Laundering Money For The Catholic Information Center In Washington, D.C.
V. Duncan Begins Work At Arthur Anderson
VI. Lay Named President And CEO Of Transco Energy
VII. Malak Offers Clinton Hope
VIII. Reagan Gives Faith-Based Inaugural Address; Applauds Hussein Contribution To Detroit Parish
IX. Reading Becomes Fundamental For Margaret McNamera
X. Gramm Shows How “Democracy Works”; King Now Controls 51%, King’s Advisor: 49%
XI. McCloskey Does An Opus Dei/Legatus Pilgrimage; Ordained In Rome
XII. Israel Bombs Gold Market; Gold Debased To $296 An Ounce
XIII. Air Traffic Controller Wages Forecast Y2K Remediation Labor Costs
XIV. Adelphia Discovers Book-Cooking Necessary Regardless Of Cable Act
XV. Enron Note: “Outsourcing” Added To Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary
XVI. Enron Within An Enron; Hezbollah Again Covers For Gold & Market Debasement; Once Again The FBI, CIA & Secret Service Oblivious To Terrorist Activity Immediately Following Stock Market Debasement
XVII. Lay Divorces Ayres; Gramm Divorces Democrats; Sees Young Turk “Conservative Opportunity”
XVIII. Disney Arabs Capitalize On “Conservative Opportunity
XIX. Meyer Lansky Dies Of Lung Cancer In Florida
XX. Arthur Anderson Sees Star Wars For The 13233rd Time
XXI. Bartley Exclaims: “Star Wars Works.. As Well As Democracy”
XXII. Perot, EDS & GM Begin Considering Which 60 Technology Companies To Recruit For Lernout & Hauspie; Dutch Settlement Scheme Continues
XXIII. Lay Named Chairman & CEO Of Houston Natural Gas
XXIV. HealthSouth Founded By Richard Scrushy
XXV. WorldCom Envisions “Cerfing” The Internet
XXVI. Strong & Givens Become Directors At HealthSouth
XXVII. William Esrey, Hank Greenburg, Bob Dole, Hanson, Sam Waksal, Yul Brenner & Various Other Stick Figures Get On Scrushy’s Cancer Crusade Wagontrain
XXVIII. Waksal And A Few Other Technicians Are Asked To Found ImClone Immediately
XXIX. Waksal And Other ImClone Directors Contemplate The Politics Of Cloning
XXX. Philip Hampton Of Tyco Begins Deciding How To Funnel Executive Compensation To Rome
XXXI. Ewalt & Mathiasen Join NME (Tenet)
XXXII. Pearl Graduates Stanford
XXXIII. Achille Lauro; Arabs Cover For Market Debasement Once Again; FBI & CIA Still Don’t Get It
XXXIV. Gold Bottom; S&L Run; Gold Coated CD’s Introduced
XXXV. More Millionaire Prostate Cancer Researchers Than Ever
XXXVI. Zoe Baird Advises GE To Buy Liberal Media Icon NBC
XXXVII. HealthSouth Convinces Reagan To Begin Phasing Out Certificates Of Need; CON Phase-Out Is Not Final In Alabama Until “A Few Hours” After The First Airline Hits The World Trade Center
XXXVIII. Jewish Community Center In Harrison, NY Strongly Advises Members Against The Wearing Of Brown Scapulars
XXXIX. John East Commits Suicide; Democracy Score Now: Kings Advisors: 51%, King: 49%
XL. Kozlowski Begins Serving On Tyco Board
XLI. Dominoes Pizza And The Pope Take On Communism With The Usual Pre-Market Crash Rome Pilgrimage
XLII. Legatus & The Pope Take On Communism With The Usual Pre-Market Crash Rome Pilgrimage
XLIII. Opus Dei Becomes Active In Princeton; Dan Brown Tell-All, Tells None
XLIV. Carlyle Group Takes on Communism
XLV. Melinda Harmon Appointed To Guard The Enron Henhouse
XLVI. Lernout & Hauspie Begin To Commercialize Speech Technology
XLVII. Gorbachev & The Fed “Tear Down Walls”; Fed Begins To Ease Depression Era Banking Limits
XLVIII. Another Enron Within An Enron; October 1987 Market Crash Assists In Slaying Communism Once Again
XLIX. Tawana Brawly & Another Post Market Crash Intifada; So Far Arabs Are Batting 100 In Covering Public Exposure To Market Debasement; CIA & FBI Have Yet To Hear Of Term “Intifada”
L. Reagan Is Informed That Intifada Is A Yiddish Word That Translates To: “America Needs More Radical- Islamic Immigrants”
LI. Scorsese Does A Mel Gibson
LII. Telegraph March; 1987 Debasement Pays For AT&T’s First Transatlantic Fiber Optic Cable
LIII. Unisys Sells Saddam Personel Database Computer System For Knives, Blankets And Wampum Beads
LIV. Richard Black Begins Writing: “Unisys And The Mustard Gas”
LV. Thousand Points Of Light Go On Sale; Price: $401,000.00
LVI. The Great Communicator & Bush 43 Introduce Mr. Lay, Timothy Simeon Lake & Linda Harmon For The First Time
LVII. FBI Records 5 Harmless Arab Zealots Exercising 2nd Ammendment Right In New York City
LVIII. Bush & Hatch Realize ACLU Actually Stands For “Arab Civil Liberties Union” Particularly When THe Suspect Is Held On “Secret Evidence”
LIX. Arthur Anderson Successfully Cooks Chalabi’s Books
LX. Jordan Central Bank Does A WorldCom
LXI. Chalabi Does A Naim Dangoor
LXII. Arthur Anderson Community Learning Center Begins Introductory Math Courses
LXIII. Enron Technology Transfer; Raytheon Begins Exporting Communications Equipment To Harmless Zealots In Pakistan
The 54th Enron
1990-1993
I. Harold Ford Sells HealthSouth Certificates Of Need And Lincoln Sedans In Tennessee
II. Another Enron Immigration Wave
III. Japan Market Crash
IV. Drunyun And The Pentagon Bail-Out McDonnell Douglas
V. Raytheon Begins Exporting Communications Equipment To Pakistan
VI. Zoe Baird Moves From GE To Aetna
VII. Belnick Defends Milken; Pleas Prostate Defense
VIII. Dillon Sentenced To Thomas Aquinas
IX. Bush Campaigner Claims “Jihad Is Our Path!!!” Al Arian Chosen For Blair’s 2005 Deportation List
X. Victorian Cancer Epidemic Hits Young Turks
XI. Waksal Meets John Mendelsohn
XII. KPMG Advises HealthSouth
XIII. First Trans-Pacific Fiber Optic Cable Enters Seervice
XIV. Dominoes Reinstitutes “The Holy Office”
XV. Richard Rose Acknowledges “Educating The CIA Is A Hopeless Cause”
XVI. Dole Elects To Pay Cash For Prostate Surgery
XVII. Nokia Begins Global Cell Phone Welfare Program
XVIII. Lay Co-Chairs The Host Committee For The GOP Convention; Has Prostate Screened At Bob Doles “US TOO” Booth
XIX. Al Awani’ Cell “Views Itself As Part Of” Al Arian’s Cell
XX. Al Qaedas Begin To Hate Kinder, Morgan And Lay’s “Way Of Life”
XXI. Texan Suspects Early Medicare Fraud At HealthSouth
XXII. Dabhol; Enron, GE & Bechtel Do A 1904 GE India Power Play; Seen One Enron – Seen Em All
XXIII. Kinder Morgan Energy Partners Read The Enron Writing On The Wall
XXIV. Y2K -7 Years; Ruby Ridge Prepares For The “End Of Government”
XXV. Most Certainly Raytheon Will Discontinue The Practice Of Exporting Communications Equipment to Pakistani Muslims Following The First World Trade Center Bombing?
The 54th Enron A.D.
1993
A Year That Is Not Supposed To Live In Infamy
This Is Your Enron & The Fourth Top-Ten Enron Of The Top Eleventh In History
The First World Trade Center Attack; Enron Gone Haywire
This Is The 7th Chapter Of 29 Chapters That Make Up Enron #71
Chronological order:
Linda Chavez, Zoe Baird, GE, Aetna, Ron Brown, Kimba Wood, The Council On Foreign Relations, The Markel Foundation And The Rest Of The Ruling Class Bridge Their Domestic Servant Divide
Peter de Jager’s “Doomsday 1993” Appears In Computerworld
The Information Revolution Is Turned On Its Head
IBM’s 50 Year-Old Computer Date Problem Is 7 Years Away; Speaker Of The House Suggests It Could Bring About The “End Of Government”
Following The First World Trade Center Bombing Nerd Wages Skyrocket As A Result Of A 50 Year-Old Programming Problem; The Information Revolution Is Not Going As Scheduled
The NIH, NCI, EDI, DHEW, NVCHS, DHHS, WEDI, HISPP, CPRI, NII And NIST Budgeting Departments Prepare For $400,000 A Year Computer Service Salaries
IT Service Wages Skyrocket To Unprecedented Levels; Communism Apparently Not Yet Slayed
Gestner Career Change; Doubts Knighthood If He Remains Tobacco Exec Or War-On Terror Activist
Oxford Health Plans Fret Y2K
WTC1
Observe How Everyone Reacts (Or Doesn’t React?) To The 1993 Terrorist Attack On U.S. Soil
WTC response
103rd Congress & The Value Of A Lame Duck Session
Mout Pelerin & Dr. Suess’ Worst Fears Comes To Fruition; $200.00 Per Hour Service Wages In The IT Industry
They Are At War With Us And What Is Of More Importance To Americas Political Leaders? Monika Lewinsky?
Bush43 Wants To Stop Holding Arab Terrorist Suspects Based On Secret Evidence 6 Years From Now?
Where Are The War Hawks? Where Are The War-On-Terror Profiteers? Where Is Halliburton? Where Is Bechtel? Answer: Bechtel Is In India WithGE And Enron About To Begin The Largest Single Foreign Investment In India’s History, But In No Way Does It Have Anything To Do With Outsourcing American Jobs
WTC1 War Footing; Enron Begins building/upgrading Electric Power Plants In Guatemala
Cornell Rocket Scientist Belnick Discovers Ithaca Is Not Manhattan; He Notices Fewer Bombing Plots In Downtown Ithaca
Progress & Freedom Foundation Unconcerned With First Wave Of World Trade Center Terrorists
Internet Privatized; History Loses Privacy; Church & State Lose Over 5,000 + Years Of Thought, Media & Information Control
Renewers Of American Civilization Unconcerned With First Wave Of World Trade Center Terrorists
WTC1 War Footing? Newt Begins 20-Hour Satellite TV Course “Defending America Against The Arab Terrorist Threat”?
War Footing: Raytheon Continues To Export Communications Technology To Pakistani Muslims?
War Footing; Sherron Watkins Establishes Phony Whistle-Blower Position
War Footing: “PUHCA Regulatory Specialist” Wendy Gramm & Norman Blake Find A Comfortable Seat At Kenny Boy’s Table In Houston
War Footing; Arthur Anderson Begins Cooking Enron’s Internal Books
GE Takes Up Arms Against Manhattan Terrorists By Starting GE Capital International Services In Delhi
Enron Takes Up Arms Against Manhattan Terrorists With 2450 Megawatt DabholPlant Agreement
Computer Associates Pretends To Sell Software
War Footing; Manhattan “Answers Islam” By Rigging Wall Street Securities Exchange
War Footing; Martin Frankel Gives The People “What They Wanted”
WTC1 War Footing; Darleen Drunyun Begins Rigging Air Force Acquisitions
Robert Bartley Writes “Who Is Stuart Gerson?”
Adelphia Prepares For Reinhart Satellite Course
War Footing; India Responds To Sri Lanka Terrorists By Approving Enron Dabhol Plant
Why Are “Conservatives” More Interested In Clinton Sex Life Than Terror Events Of February 1993?
PUHCA; Enron Provides Classic Example Of Purpose Of Law & Shows How To “Renew America”
The Victorian Age Junkies Go For A Repeat With Something Called “Renewing American Civilization”
Day Of Attack
Gulf War1 + 2.5 Years: Islamic Terrorists Carry Out Plan To Create Spectacular And Highly Symbolic Puffs Of Smoke From 70th FloorOf World Trade Center By Blowing Big Hole In Basement; Since Attack Is Unsuccessful Hussein Must Not Be Involved
Enron Puzzle: Find The Flaw In The Following Event
They Are At War With Us So Reno Acknowledges Her Constitutional Duty And Takes Decisive Action To Protect & Secure The Homeland By Assaulting Y2K Survivalists In Texas
Islamic Assembly Of North America Founded
Health care
WTC1 War Footing; Victorian Cancer Patients Begin Unhealthy Obsession With Clinton Sex Life
Milken Prostate Troubles Bring Early Prison Release
Gingrich & Scrushy Begin Tutoring In Kennesaw
War Footing; NME/Tenet Hires Head Of MGM
Scrushy’s “Family” Begins Solving HealthSouth’s Year-2000 Problem By Adding Communist Computer Purchase Surcharge
War Footing; HIPAA Established To Bury Systemic Book-Cooking, Medicare Fraud & Rigged FDA Testing
WTC1 War Footing: Markel’s Pressing Issues Remain Health Care Connectivity And Bridging Digital Divides.. In Other Countries
Enron, Tyco, Cisco & Global Crossing Set Out To Solve Markel’s Pressing Issue Following The First Terrorist Attack On American Soil
Markel & Proponents Of Bridging The World’s Digital Divide Have YetTo Be Informed By America’s Political Leaders That America Is 10th In The World In Information Technology
Hillary Shrugs Off Islamic Terrorism; Focuses On Health Care Reform
WTC1 War Footing; SEC Decides To Permit 1920s-Style Utility Abuses (Because Kenneth Lay Is Greedy?); Enron Is Freed From Registering Under Public Utility Holding Company Act (PUHCA)
Enron’s Financial Documents Of Utility Abuses Since 1993 Wind Up In The SEC & CFTC “Enforcement” Offices Located In The Same Building bin Laden Attacks In 2001?
Enron Puzzle: Have You Found The Flaw Yet?
Hint: Due To The Lame Duck Session, The Acting Attorney General On The 28th Of February Is Not Janet Reno
Guess Who The Acting Attorney General Is And Guess What His Primary Issues Following The First New York Terrorist Attack Are?
If You Guessed Stuart Gerson – You Are Right; His Pressing Issues Following The Attack Are The Bush Administration’s National Health Policy And Medical Malpractice Reform (For Things Like Merck’s Vioxx)
It Is Worth Remembering That Leaders Such As Gerson And Reno Don’t Do Things – Banks Do
The 54th Enron A.D.
1994-1995
The “War Footing” Continues
I. Scrushy & Gingrich Meet Dirk Diggler & Michael Vines
II. U.S. Taxpayers Unanimously Approve Of Enron Plant In India
III. John Wakeham Takes On Enron Media Problems In The U.K.
IV. War Footing: Lewinsky Hears Raytheon Still Exporting Communications Equipment To Pakistan Muslims
V. Breast Cancer Gene Discovery Faked; HIPAA Really Works
VI. Republicans Take Over Congress; Focus On Protecting
VII. War Footing; Wisner Attempts To Make India Less Dependant On Foreign Oil
VIII. Stock Market Inflates Faster Than A Tumor In A Recently Diagnosed Prostate
IX. Lieberman Says Stock Options Work Well.. As Invisible Money
X. War Footing; Northrop & HealthSouth Begin Monopoly; Joel Klein MIA
XI. War Footing; Pubic Hair On Coke Cans Takes Precident Over WTC Terrorist Bombing
XII. McClellan & Thomas Worry Over The Safety Of Limbaugh’s Cheap Drugs
XIII. War Footing; SEC “Scales Back” Operations Expediting “Renewal Of American Civilization”
XIV. War Footing; Lernout & Hauspie Initiate Flanders Language Valley Fund Expediting “Renewal Of Dutch Settlement Scheme”
XV. Gingrich Expedites Renewal Of America; Promotes Scrushy For Congress And Publishes His Much Anticipated Book: “To Renew India”
XVI. Gingrich’s Keen Intuition In The Ethical Credibility Of Health Care Entreprenuers Wins Him Title Of Speaker Of The House
XVII. As Part Of The National Security Restoration Act, The FBI Raids Home Of Bush Campaigner Sami Al Arian
XVIII. War Footing; bin Laden Family Commits $2 Million Through London Investment Arm In Carlyle Partners
XIX. Bank Of America Boosts WorldCom Monopoly Play
XX. Dow Gains 800 Points Plus A 1200 Point Gain Per Year To 2000; Wall Street Journal Editor Bartley Gives Up On Growth And Takes A Hard Look At Accounting Fraud” As A “Renewing America” Solution
XXI. Lewinsky’s First Gift To Clinton; Harvard’s Toffler Begins “Ethical Consulting” At Arthur Anderson
XXII. Although Uncertain As To Exactly What Line Of Business Enron Is In, The Heinz Family Trust Buys $250,000-500,000 Of Enron Stock Proving That There Is Certainly A Difference Between Republicans & Democrats; Lay Begins Serving As Member Of Heinz Center Philanthropy
XXIII. Saudi Gives AT&T A Telecom Job; India Gives Lay An Awesome Dabhol Job; Lewinsky, Belnick and Rudman Give The NASDAQ Oral Sex
The 54th Enron A.D.
1996-1997
The Next Two Years Of White House Emails Disappear
I. Missouri; Danforth Joins Cerner
II. Aquinas Advises On Student Financial Assistance
III. Gingrich Essay On Belgian Congo Proves To Be “Earth Shattering” After All
IV. Arthur Anderson Community Learning Center Teaches Danforth “Record Shredding” 101
V. Jewish Community Center in Harrison, N.Y. Advises Belnick To Reconsider His Faith.
VI. Arthur Anderson Community Learning Center Teaches Scrushy Of The “Pristine Audit”
VII. HealthSouth Auditors Stop Counting Money And Focus On What Is More Important In The War On The World Trade Center Bombing Terrorists: Custodial Duties
VIII. Duke Grad Hicks Optimistic About “Pristine Auditing”
IX. In A “Mystical Vision” Hatch Sees A Faith-Based Initiative In America’s Future; Penns “Your God Is Not Love”
X. Lay, Clinton, Nicholas, Ronnie Chan & Kissinger Tee-Off
XI. Traubh Takes Joel Klien’s Advise; Serves On 17 Public Company BoardsMore Millionaires Named “Hanson & Hansen” Then Ever Before
XII. Northrop Continues Pondering If “Someone Is At War With Us?”
XIII. Raytheon Stops Exporting Communications Equipment To Pakistan
XIV. Crashing Of Chinese Rockets Carrying U.S. Satellites Reaches Epidemic Proportions; Lewinsky Informs The Big Jerk That The Stress Induced Prostate Epidemic Has Reached France
XV. Ronnie Chan Adds Some Chinese Hang Lung Flavor To The Enron Board’s Melting Pot
XVII. Drudge Reports Mitterand, John Chancellor, Hamilton Fish, Nevada Governor Miller, Peter Brennan & Andy Grove Are About To Kill Themselves – Live On The Internet
XVIII. Original Developers Of The Flamingo Hotel Begin Planning NCI #2: Nevada Cancer Institute
XIX. Lucent Well On The Road To Becoming Target #14
XX. Bernard Nathanson Suspected Of Olympic Park Bombing In Atlanta
XXI. Khobar Towers Makes It Appear That Somebody Is At War With Somebody; Eric Rudolph Suspected Eventually
XXII. Tyco Monopoly Advances Under The Watchful Eye Of Trust-Buster Klein; America’s Undersea Digital Divide About To Be Bridged; Winnick Knows Oportunity When He Sees It; Books Passage On U.S.S. Jimmy Carter
XXIII. Giant Sucking Sound; Perot Sees Blackouts In California’s Future
XXIV. Grape”Vines”; The World’s Very First Whistle-Blower Starts Working At HealthSouth
XXV. HealthSouth Discovers Pubic Hair In Coke Cans; Signs 5-Year Agreement Only
XXVI. Bush “Ralph” 41 Confident America’s Digital Divide Can Be Bridge By “Crossing The Globe”; Makes 80,000 Share Speech
XXVII. Leiberman Congratulates Bush On His Global Crossing “Gift”; Kozlowsky Becomes A “Gift” Giver Too
XXVIII. Dole’s Pocket Change From Riggs Bank Reaches $12,000 A Month
XXIX. Blockbuster Moves Closer To Enron; Enron Given Another Depression Era Pass
XXX. Petticoat Junction Goes Fiber-Optic
XXXI. Islamic Free-Market Institute; Norquist & Rove Embrace Muslims;
XXXII. Bush Promises Norquist He Will Start Respecting ACLU (Arab Civil Liberties Union)
XXXIII. Kinder Thanked For Putting Bush43 In Governor’s Mansion; Leaves Enron With Morgan While The Getting Is Good
XXXIV. Tyco Considers Expanding Monopoly By Purchasing Abortion Clinic In Sandy Springs, Georgia; Buys American Tube & Pipe, AT&T’s Submarine Systems Business, European Valve Company, INBRAND & ADT Instead
XXXV. The 401K Continues To Subsidize The Saudi Telecom Upgrade
XXXVI. Tyco Shows Height Of Patriotism By Locating Corporation Offshore
XXXVII. Saudi Telecom Minister Checks Into Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center; bin Laden Hears That AT&T Shareholders Have Voted To Pay Johani’s Medical Bills
XXXVIII. Enron Police Preserve Democracy In India
XXXIX. Frist Named To Head Columbia/HCA Medicare Fraud Department
XL. Lay Thanks Clinton, Gore & Rubin For Kyoto Treaty Windfall
XLI. Lay Thanks Liberal Newsweek For Focusing On Willey Morality Play
XLII. Scrushy Accounting Assists In Purchases Of 1600 Health Care Facilities; Klein Calls To Congratulate
XLIII. Hartman & Goizueta & Al Johani Face Mortality Questions
XLIV. Joel Klein Thinks He Has Spotted A Monopoly Play
XLV. Bartley Identifies Era Of Fraud As “Economic Freedom”
XLVI. Enron Executive Committee Agrees With Robert Bartley: “Star Wars Works”
XLVII. U.S. Reiterates India Ambassadorship Requirement: Candidate Must Follow Up With Employment As Director At Enron, Corp.
XLVIII. Taliban Visits Houston
XLIX. Oracle & Oxford Stock Debasement Pay For Y2K Computer Upgrade
L. Belnick Still Not Proficient With Email
The 54th Enron A.D.
1998, 1999
The 80,000 Share Question: “Why Is Tice Alive?”
I. Prince Abdullah Capitalizes On AT&T Nation-Building
II. Frankel Gets A Head-Start On The Faith-Based Initiative
III. Norquist, Othman & Saffuri Don’t Know “They Are At War With Us”
IV. Thomas Aquinas Suggests “Great Books”; Books Provide TycoAttorney With “Mystical Vision”
V. The Faith-Based Initiative Phase Of An Enron Comes Into Play
VI. CNBC & Merrill Lynch Inflate HealthSouth
VII. bin Talal Predicts Citicorp/Travelors Merger
VIII. Motorola & Nokia Nation-Build Turkey
IX. Joel Klein Notices A Powerboat On The Hudson With “Monopoly” Painted On The Bow
X. U Of A Commencment Features Monopoly Powerboat Pilot
XI. Tyco Buys SIPE S. A. ; Klein Notes: “Nice Security Addition Wells Fargo Alarm & ADT”
XII. Rumsfield Sees Profit In Marketing To Medical Conditions
XIII. Tyco Monopoly Enters Surgical Biz
XIV. bin Laden Offers A Lindsey-Style Challenge
XV. Bush & Reno Consider Granting Najjar An “Edict Of Arab Tolerance”
XVI. Mr. Grubman Holds His Tongue On Wall Street Week
XVII. Energy Swaps Boost Megawatt Hour TO $7,000.00
XVIII. Capek Makes The HealthSouth Call
XIX. Lay Rethinks Cheap Electricity In America
XX. Tyco Commences Crossing Globe; Bush41’s 80,000 Shares Begin To Pay Off
XXI. Rudman Connects The Tyco Dot To The Belnick Dot
XXII. Gingrich Suggests Y2K May Be “Collapse Of Government”
XXIII. They Are At War With Us; Lets Increase The Number Of Their Visas & Teach Them How To Fly
XXIV. Yale Begins Down Loading Porn
XXV. Tyco Confident In 700 Company Purchase During Microsoft Monopoly Trial
XXVI. Chambers Travels To Beijing To Promote American Competitivness Act
XXVII. Market Dream Comes True; American Competitiveness Act Unveils Plan To Expand Internet Projects In Developing Nations
XXVIII. Bob Dole Begins Doing It Until He Goes Blind
XXIX. Dutch Settlement Scheme Continues
XXX. Enron Irony: Corrupt Tyco Continues Global Home Security Industry Monopoly
XXXI. IRS Begins Volunteering For Enron
XXXII. Striplin Confident CON Will Be Overturned On 9-11
XXXIII. HotLanta Deals With HealthSouth
XXXIV. Missouri’s CernerForms Partnership With Ernst & Young & Arthur Anderson
XXXV. Arthur Anderson Sees Baptist Bankruptcy Windfall
XXXVI. Thomas Aquinas Offers Belnick A “For Credit” Course In “Money Laundering” 101
XXXVII. Drunyun Recoginzes Boeing Constipation Problem
XXXVIII. The Dot Connection Divide Is Almost Bridged; Gingrich, Aquinas, Tyco & Scrushy
XXXIX. McKesson Does What McKesson Does Best
XL. McNealy Soon Experiences “Zero Privacy”
XLI. Lundberg Plays The Morality Card
XLII. India Nation-Building Seen As Tough On Human Rights
XLIII. Wipro Considers Offering Tyco Blankets, Knives & Wampum Beads For Fiber-Telecom System
XLIV. Final Enron Phase Begins; AT&T Completes Saudi Telecom Bridge; Electricity Begins To Flow At Enron Dabhol Plant; Time To Pay The Bill; Market Debasement In Earliest Stage
XLV. Capek Reads McKesson Tea Leaves
XLVI. Ripp Tears From Tyco
XLVII. Lack Of Intel At Intel; Intel Harbors Terrorists
XLVIII. Saint Francis Of Assissi Knows When The Getting Is Good
XLIX. China Experiences Classic Enron Document Destruction Phase
L. Gore Initiates Faith Based Initiative Right On Time
LI. TVA Initiates Enron Inc. Debasement Phase
LII. Milken Sends Sympathies To Henry IV & Regas
LIII. WalMart Poo-Poos Glass-Steagall
LIV. June 30, 1999: Enron Suggests 136-Megawatt Palestine Power Plant May Require Eventual Gaza Strip Exodus
LV. Kozlowsky/Shwartz Faith-Based Money Laundry/Share Debasement Phase Continues
LVI. Scrushy Despairs Over Unplanned Internet Aided Share Debasement; Wishes Internet Had Not Gone Private Following First WTC Bombing
LVII. Bush Joins Gore In Faith-Based Phase Of Enron
LVIII. Scrushy Begins Coffee-Table Version Of HealthSouth Story Entitled: “The Michael Jackson Pedophile Story”
LIX. Number Of Millionaires In America Is About To Skyrocket
LX. Grubman Begins Debasing AT&T Share Value
LXI. Tyco Provides “Pocket Money” For Rome “Pilgrimage”
LXII. Klein Surprised CVS Monopoly Completed So Soon
LXIII. By Now The Reader Of This Book Should Know The Next Enron Phase
LXIV. AT&T Has Water In De-Basement
LXV. Debasement Official; Tyco’s Belnick Sells 75,000 Shares; Belnick Left Out Of Legatus Pilgrimage To Rome; More Confident In Conversion Decision Than Ever; Puts Money Under Catholic Information Center Mattress Out Of Y2K Fears
LXVI. U.S. Surgical Bleeds Tyco To Death
LXVII. Vatican Suspends Enron Ethic Code For A Second Time; Tells Ethic Professor Toffler: “Time To Seek Safe-Haven”; Tells Savage: “Time To Clean Up Enron Files”
LXVIII. Enron Launches “Unethical Enron On-Line”; Racks Up Unethical $180 Billion In First Year
LXIX. David Tice Carries Out The Pope’s Orders
LXX. SEC Launches A Coverup Into Tyco Accounting Practices
LXXI. McCloskey Emails Belnick: “I Pray you Are Weathering Well The Tyco Debasement Scheme”
LXXII. McCloskey Email Accidently Sent To George H. W. Bush; Bush & Babs Rethink DOW 36,000; Decide To Sell Their 80,000 Free Global Crossing Shares
LXXIII. Grubman Comes Close To Blackmailing Weill
LXXIV. Isaac Newton Emails Father McCloskey Blaming Government Inquiry On “RumorMongers”
LXXV. Glass-Steagall Overhaul; Senate Provides Arab Investors And WalMart With A Windfall; Law Changes Before Knowledge Of Law Already Broken; SOX Considers Taking The Same Approach
LXXVI. Pope Arrives In India; Prays For Dabhol Power Plant & Omar Sheik
LXXVII. Suze Orman Begins Writing “The Five Laws Of Recoinage”
LXXVIII. Mahmood Ahmed Sells His Global Crossing Shares; Wires $100,000.00 To Mohammed Atta
LXXIX. Safra Takes 3-Hour Tour On U.S.S. Minnow
LXXX. Bell Labs Issues Arafat His Email Address
LXXXI. Linux Programmers Find Out They Weren’t Supposed To Be Making $400,000.00 A Year After All
LXXXII. Tyco Class-Action Lawsuits Weed Out Those Familiar With Debasement Schemes
LXXXIII. HealthSouth & Disney Get “Real”
LXXXIV. FLV; The Dutch Settlement Scheme Continues
The 54th Enron A.D.
2000 Q1, Q2
50% Into Market Bubble
I. December 31, 1999: Everything Is Cool; No Worries; The Sun Will Come Out; Zero Terror-Cells Anywhere
II. 2002: The End Is Near; These Last Days; Dark Ages; World Is At War; Terror Cells IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!!; Gonna Need A Couple More Rosary Beads
III. Hansen, Hastert, And The Jerk Go Fishing
IV. O’Neal Relates To “Love Story”
V. Sami Al Arian Stumps For The Bush Conservatives; Terror Suspects Held On Secret Evidence Unsure Who They Want In Oval Office
VI. McNeally & Skilling Put On A High-Tech Show
VII. February, 2000: This Is Your Debasement
VIII. Telecom Debased; Health Care Inflated
IX. KPMG Can’t Count Visas Either; Apparently Accounting Is One Of Those Jobs Accountants Don’t Want
X. Tyco Makes A Morality Play
XI. Wall Street Rocked By Insider Trading Case
XII. What Were They Thinking; Saffari’s Muslims Enjoy Spring In Austin
XIII. Naim Dangoor’s Finance Bonanza Of March 21, 2000; Here Is How To Make A Killing Off Of A Debasement
XIV. Clinton’s Belated India Plans
XV. Inventor Of The Internet Has Email Back-up Troubles
XVI. Poddleville, California Experiences Blackout; The Cyberchase Begins
XVII. Wall Street Journal Prints NATO Belgium Scam
XVIII. Intelligence Failures & WorldCom MonRev Attempt To Slay Communism And Save Capitalism
XIX. Michael D. Martin Does A Kinder/Morgan
XX. Tyco Attorney Finally Accepts Jesus As His Personal Savior
XXI. Bowie Kuhn & Kennesaw Mountain Landis Honor Belnick Conversion
XXII. In Anticipation Of A War On Terror, Amazon.com Begins Breaking Its Privacy Policies
XXIII. Saudi Prince Shows Accumin In Speculative Market Once Again
XXIV. Penfield Jackson Knows A Monopoly When He Sees One; Belnick Sees Mystical Vision
XXV. Columbia HCA Gets Medicare Fraud Discount
XXVI. Foreign Nation-Builder Accuses Foreign Nation-Builder Of Foreign Nation-Building
The 54th Enron A.D.
2000, Q3, Q4
The Sixth Top-Ten Enron Of The Top Eleventh Enron
The Secret Evidence Enron
Note: Rebound Second Peak Gain Of About 30% Since May
13 Executives Don’t Know “They Are At War With Us”
I. SEC; Accountants Can Own Stock In Their Customers ala Harold E. Varmus At The NIH In November Of 1995
II. Jackie, Matt & Inez Asked To Track Down White House Emails For The Inventor Of The Internet
III. Scrushy’s “Monopoly” Steams Up The Hudson
IV. TellMe Networks Offers Free L&H Software At A Debasement Discount
V. Bush Forgets To Ask Them If They Are At War With Us
VI. Harvard Forgets To Ask Them If They Are At War With Us
VII. Becker Debases Amazon.com
VIII. Jackie, Matt & Inez Visit The G-8 In Okinawa
IX. Belnick Spreads The Catholic Wealth
X. Clinton Forces Rove, Norquist & Bush To Support The Muslim Community
XI. July 04: Laundry Day For Computer Associates
XII. Enron, Blockbuster & Ellison See The Ultimate “Bricks & Clicks”
XIII. Tauzin: The Complete Guide To Offshore Money Havens
XIV. SEC Advises Tyco To Wire Cash & Shower Curtain To Belnick; Like The Emperor, The SEC Has No Clothes
XV. Lucent Begins Debasement Phase
XVI. Arthur Anderson Thinks Bois Is A Anti-Corporate Liberal
XVII. Northern Distrust; Enron’s Pension Trustee Gets World Trade Center Jitters
XVIII. Anderson Consulting Takes Northern Trust’s Lead; Starts Cooking The Books Under A Different Name: Accenture
XIX. Blodgett Sees A “Powderkeg”; Debases 11 Internet Companies
XX. Grasso Learns How To “Ping” Network Connections
XXI. Lernout & Hauspie; Dutch Settlement Scheme Names New Debasement Managers
XXII. Pipeline Explodes; Free-Market Experiment In California Fails
XXIII. Breen Hears Wireless Is The Future – In Turkey
XXIV. Graham Explains To Prince Alaweed: “Internet Privacy Will Be Big Until 9-11; Alaweed Satisfied; Buys Priceline Shares
XXV. Northrup Still Thinks Someone Is At War With Us; Grasso & Klein (The Trust-Buster) Satisfied With Northrup Monopoly
XXVI. Homeland Security Tip: On The 3rd Intifada – Stop Teaching Them To Fly
XXVII. CyberJihad Begins In Earnest; Rising Nerd Wages; Israel Knows Communism When It Sees IT! (Remember Von Hayek?)
XXVIII. “Enlist The Techies In The War On Terror”; Israel Says Rising IT Wages Are Threatening National Security; Realize They Should Have Thought About This 50 Years Ago; Remember Ronnie, GE & The Commie Scare When IBM Launched The Mainframe?
XXIX. In 2005, San Deigo Startup “Seacode” Is Paying $7.50 An Hour For Computer Service Workers Floating On Workships 3-Miles Off The U.S. Shore; This Is $192.50 Per Hour Less Than IT Workers Are Making In 2000; Finally Somebody Seems To Understand Wage Inflation
XXX. Intifada + 13 Days, U.S.S. Cole – 1 Day; Bush Stops Profiling Suspected Arab Terrorists Held On Secret Evidence; Bush & Abraham Push Law To Make Sure Arabs Are Treated With Respect
XXXI. War Footing; U.S.S. Cole; Bush Rethinks Secret Evidence Stance? Reno Rethinks Freeing Najjar?
XXXII. War Footing; Lemon Grove Police Respect Bush’s Edict Of Arab Tolerance
XXXIII. U.S.S. Cole Attack Convinces Ebbers To Sell WorldCom Shares; Stock Loses $11 Billion In Market Value
XXXIV. Intifada + 19 Days, Cole + 5 Days; Blackstone Group Announces Purchase Of WTC7; H-1B Visas Are Now Portable
XXXV. Carnahan Crash; University Of Missouri Claims Another Victim
XXXVI. Upscale Texas Broadband Welfare; Cateline Conspiracy Meets The Digital Divide
XXXVII. U.S.S. Cole Investigation; Enron Dictionary: “Secret Evidence” Is Not “Evidence”; “Secret Evidence” Is 2 Words – “Evidence” Is Only One
XXXVIII. Bush Worries About His Privacy
XXXIX. bin Talal’s Holdings In Citigroup Soar 2,250 %; Citigroup Execs Arrive In Boca A Little Early
XL. Tyco Monopoly Continues; Buys Lucent’s Power Systems
XLI. Joo Chu Soe Feels Full Effect Of Dutch Settlement Scheme; L&H Files For Bankruptcy
XLII. Goldman Sachs Pumps HealthSouth
XLIII. Pearl Heads To India; India Stops Paying Enron Electricity Bills; Al Hamzi Leaves Lemon Grove; Citizen’s Review Board Of Police Matters Member Harboring Terror Suspects; Go Figure
XLIV. Cardinal O’Conner Stresses Enormous Importance Of Legatus; Quatrone “Cleans-Up” Files
XLV. Boies Shifts Workload From Arthur Anderson To Al Gore
XLVI. Lame Duck Justice; Post Intifada & U.S.S. Cole Mindset; Reno Respects Bush Edict Of Arab Tolerance; Frees Najjar; Atta & Shehhi Still Earning Their Wings
XLVII. Northrop Still Thinks Somebody Is At War With Us
XLVIII. K-12 Reaches Belgian Congo After All; Gingrich Thesis Hits Nail On Head
XLIX. Reno Reviews Alamoudi Recording; Rethinks Freeing Najjar?
The 54th Enron A.D.
2001, Q1
The market experiences a little 400-500 point rebound from late-December, 2000 into mid-January, 2001
I. Wall Street Liberals Promote Visas In Austin
II. Cheney Gets “Good Advice” Over And Above Normal
III. India’s Digital Bridge Lengthened 7-Fold; Cheney & Lay Proceed With India’s Energy Task Force Sessions
IV. Bush41 Elected Chairman Of M.D. Anderson Cancer Center Boaard Of Visitors
V. McKesson Hibernates Until Enron Next
VI. Berardino Accepts Jesus As Personal Savior & More Importantly, Leadership Of Anderson, S.C.
VII. California Politicians Pretend To Attack Enron
VIII. Immigration Isn’t Just For Re-Elections Only
IX. Jobs Labor Secretary Nominees Don’t Want To Do
X. Cisco Systems Flees Religious Persecution – To India
XI. Nation Of Islam Gets Bush Faith-Based Welfare
XII. EDS Perfects Medicare Fraud: Fraud: $500 Million, Penalty: $50 Million, Net Profit: $450 Million
XIII. Communist Nerd Problem In Jerusalem & Canada
XIV. Intifada/U.S.S. Cole Mindset Continues: Noonan Wants To End Profiling Of Muslims Too; And The Muslims Don’t Want Who In Office?
XV. Bush’s Internet Promise
XVI. People Want Cheap Chinese Fireworks
XVII. Ellison & Scrushy Almost Family; Address “Certificate Of Need” Solution
The 54th Enron A.D.
2001, Q2
I. French Ass-Holes At It Again; Debases Enron Stock
II. Hatch, Hourani & HealthSouth Take On “Certificate Of Need” Impediment; Deadline For Exception From CON 9-11 + A Couple Of Hours
III. Mountain Summon; Gergen Hints Someone Is At War With Us; Vital Tyco Products Summoned To The Mountaintop As Well
IV. Siebel Execs Familiar With Function Of Speculative Market
V. Northrop Gets IT; PUCHA; Buffet Pretends Like He Doesn’t Get It
VI. Bush & Lay In Desperate Need Of Literacy
VII. Kozlowsky “Dead-Man” Defense Finds A Dead-Man
VIII. Scully Sworn In As HealthSouth Savior; Explains Primary Tenet: “Medicare Fraud Is The Reason Medicare Exists”; Scully Wonders Where Chandra Levy Ran Off To
IX. Belnick Sees Benefits Of Conversion; Tyco Touches The Heart Of Juror #4
X. Bush & AES Still In The Dark On Energy Trading; Sees California Energy Crisis Solution: More Power Plants In India
XI. Radical “E” Lessons On How To Rule The Web
XII. Internet Security Panic; IT Wage Inflation; Call Out The Guard; Arizona Is A Step Ahead Of Wyden
XIII. Attrition.org Shuts Down Because Business Is Going Too Fast; Only In America
XIV. Lay & Milken Meet THe Terminator
XV. Skull & Bones Teaches Bush How To Eat Pretzels
XVI. Tyco Purchases FLAG Telecom As A Gift For India
XVII. Jason M. Hervey “Goes For IT”; Becomes Senior Vice President Of HealthSouth Media & Communications
XVIII. Jim Jeffords Defines Democracy Again: 49% King, 51% King’s Advisors
XIX. “New” World Defined; Digital Divide Bridged To New Oroville; Unemployment Soon To Hit Old Oroville
XX. Dominoes Pizza Selects Gandhi As Italian Spokesperson
XXI. Cheney’s Raises Enron Dabhol & Cardiac Concerns; Rove Sells His Enron Holdings; Another Perry Sees Enron Windfall
XXII. Ari Fleishman Explains Lame Duck Politics
XXIII. White House Visited By Terrorists; Discuss Preserving American Way Of Life; Premium Processing Program & Top Choice For Who They Really Want In The White House – While They Are At War With Us?
XXIV. Hollywood On War Footing – Three Months Early
XXV. Midhar, Alomari & Al Hamzi Applaud Premium Processing Program
XXVI. Tyco Completes TransAtlantic Network Ahead Of Schedule
XXVII. Bush Keeps Faith With Religious Right; Avoids Discussion Of New Premium Processing Program; Religious “Right” Assume “Right” Means Christianity
XXVIII. Gestner Knighted For Y2K Remediation
XXIX. Laura Landro Writes: Tyco Global HealthCare Exchange Is Revolutionizing Practice Of Medicine
XXX. Tyco & Baldwin Complete America’s Very First Locomotive; Explains It Will Be The Last One Manufactured
XXXI. Glass-Steagall Defined; Investment Banks Convince Grubman Not To Downgrade Investment Banks
XXXII. Motorola, Oracle, Cisco, Intel, Lucent & Nortel Applaud INS Deportation Policy
XXXIII. Ferdinan & Isabella Approve Tyco Operators License
XXXIV. Pearl Takes Interest In Enron Dabhol Plant
XXXV. Third Branch Does What Founding Fathers Designed It To Do; Imprisoned Immigrants Applaud Supreme Court Ruling; O’Conner Checks On Value Of WorldCom Holdings
XXXVI. First Draft Of Phoenix Memo Completed; Kicks Off Late Enron Phase
The 54th Enron A.D.
2001 Q3
The Top-Seventh Enron Of Your Enron
Exactly What Is An “Entry Visa” Anyway?
Another “War Footing” Visa Program
Lucky Achieving (Arab?) Terrorists
I. Visa Express Expidites Terror Plan
II. Nixon Energy Czar, Zarb Steps Down As Chairman Of NASD
III. Enron Dictionary: Phoenix Memo Adds “Non-Resident” To “Un-Documented”; Suggest “Welcome Signal” To People From Other Nations
IV. India Debases Mutual Fund Unit Scheme 64; Regulators Pretend To Investigate CSFB
V. Bush Didn’t Do Anything For Enron; The Crown Didn’t Do Anything TO Stop Isaac Newton’s Re-Coinage Project
VI. Bob Vila dotCOM dreamHOME Secures Tyco Monopoly
VII. Zoe Baird & Markel Concentrate On IT Infrastructure In Developing Outsourcing Locations
VIII. First Branch Gets Liberal Like Abe Lincoln & The Third Branch
IX. Hatfield; Misfortune Hits Unfortunate Author, A Young Florida Republican Treasurer, Poolan Devi And Lieberman House Legislation
X. Silverstein Buys WTC
XI. Enron Dictionary: “Earrrrrn” Defined As “Inability To Count Money”; Example: Smith Barney Makes Money The Old Fashioned Way – The Earrrrrn It.
XII. Smart Business Magazine: “8 Ways To Spy On Terrorists” .. “They Want You To”
XIII. After 9 Years Of Accounting Fraud At Enron & Anderson, Whistleblower Watkins Finally Gets IT? Blows Whistle In Boss’ Direction With Memo: “Dear Ken, Our Accounting Methods & Vioxx Manufactures Are Going To Need A 9-11”
XIV. Whistleblower Topol Has Vioxx Concerns
XV. S&P Shere Debases Global Crossing
XVI. Deadest Of Media’s August Doldrums; Smiths Takes Financial Helm At HealthSouth; Owens Takes Helm Of HealthSouth Operations; Pitt Takes Helm At SEC; Moore Unveils 11th Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Profile Suspected Terrorist Held On Secret Evidence”
XVII. Alabama Supreme Makes HealthSouth Preparations
XVIII. Rocca Meets Taliban For Last Time Before The Big Day
XIX. CIA Advises Bush To Rethink The Last 3 Liberal Visa Policies; NY FBI Follows Bush Profiling Of “Others” Policy To The Letter
XX. Maureen Reagan Gives Up On Progress
XXI. For Those Sticklers To Detail: August 14, 2001: Skilling Quits; Lay Assumes Title Of CEO; Landro & Lay Rethink Renewal Of Vioxx Prescription
XXII. President Champions Greater Acceptance Of Pilots Seeking Simulator Training
XXIII. Industry Standard And Stars & Stripes Pull A Rosanna Rosanna Danna
XXIV. Agilent Ceo Claims Economic Downturn Worst He’s Seen In 34 Years
XXV. bin Laden Ponders Whether Attempt To “Hurt U.S. Economy” Might Be A Tad Late
XXVI. French Intelligence Is Four Months Late In Debasing Enron Share Value; Advises Placing Enron On “Watch List”
XXVII. Deadest Of Media’s Doldrums; Khalid Al-Midhar & Nawaf Al-Hamzi Issue Research Report Recommending Enron To “Neutral” From “Buy”
XXVIII. Enron Dictionary: “Watch List” Definition: “A List Of People Americans Will Watch On 9-11”
XXIX. Aaliyah Haughton Meets Her Maker In The Land Of Corporate Soil
XXX. Portland Energy Committed To Making Electricity Cheaper – In India
XXXI. Vioxx Stock Advise Presented At Medical Conference; Terror Alert Indicator On The Fritz
XXXII. Deadest Of Media Doldrums; O’Neil Buys His Ticket For The Wellstone Express On-Line; Abdullah Sends Bush43 A 1937-Style “Dear Jane”; Lay & Atta Very Busy People
XXXIII. Enron Tip: Ms. Martin Visits Moore’s Granite Statue; This Is How You Rig The Third Branch
XXXIV. September 2001: First National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month Begins; Bristol Meyers Sees ImClone As A Good $2 Billion Investment
XXXV. Belnick Makes Second Mormon Trek; Discovers Park City, Utah Is Not Manhattan Either
XXXVI. Enron Fools “Smart Business Magazine”
XXXVII. Flies Gather Near Tunku’s Burgundy
XXXVIII. White House Delays Reagan Era Record Release; Bush Rethinks Internet Promise
XXXIX. 9-11 Soon Marks End Of Web-Privacy Bills
XL. 9-11-5 Days: Tyson & London Business School Veto European Web-Privacy Bills
XLI. 9-11-4 Days: Friday Sell-Off
XLII. Poorly Trained Atta Is A Leadfoot; Hates America But Can’t Drive 55
XLIII. Yusuf & Bartley Claim “Jihad – Schmeehad”
XLIV. 9-11-1Day: Accidental President Kick-Off Day; Thomas Aquinas College Begins 31st Year; Immelt Takes The Helm Indicating GE Doesn’t Do Things By Quarters
XLV. Immelt & Rothschild Offer Investment Advise: “Buy To The Sound Of Sensors & Tazers”
XLVI. 9-11-1 Day: Quebec Paper Storage Plant Destroyed By Fire
XLVII. 9-11: Reed Hundt Keynotes At D.C. Telecom Convention: Title: “They Hate Our – Western Accounting Methods”
XLVIII. 9-11: Alabama Legislators Assume War-Footing: React To Attack By Overruling CON; Permits Elison & Scrushy’s Digital Hospital
XLIX. 9-11: Welch Replaced; Straight From The Gut Published
L. 9-11: Army Computer Servers Destroyed In Pentagon; SEC Enforcement & CFTC Offices Destroyed In WTC; All Documents Related To Investor Lawsuits Are Gone
LI. 9-11: FAA Security Awareness Day Held At Technology Expo In Atlantic City; Vatican Prepares To Re-write Bible
LII. 9-11: Smoke From World Trade Center Can Be Seen From Many Corporate Tax Havens
LIII. Four Most Popular Words Prior To 9-11: “Biggest Accounting Fraud Ever”
LIV. Either You Are With Us – Or You Are Onto Us
LV. 9-11+1 Day: Lay Sends Panic Letter To Vajpayee
LVI. 9-11+2 Days: Enron Corp President Achieves Rapid Closure: “The Freakout Factor Is Gone – Calm Has Returned”; Whalley Yet To Hear Of Whistleblower Woman Of The Year Watkins
LVII. Enron’s Pensioner Northern Trust; Luckiest Company In The World
LVIII. Daniel Pearl Predicts JDL Bombing Plot
LIX. Bartley Writes: “Jihad Maybe Not Schmeehad After All”
LX. Bin Laden & Carlyle Group Sees Picturetel Windfall
LXI. 9-11+9 Days: More Terrorists In The White House; Goss Meets Mark Yusuf
LXII. Dole & Lay Urge Fewer Imports Of Pakistani Textiles
LXIII. Securities Fraud Trials Take Back Seat To Terror Investigation; Bin Laden Appears To Be An Idiot Or A Genius; Focus20 Sees Opportunity; Peek Does A Kinder/Morgan
LXIV. Watkins The Whistleblower & Kenneth Lay Urge Employees To Buy Enron Stock
LXV. Wyden Sees 9-11 As Slayer Of Communism
LXVI. San Antonio Think Tank Explains: “Enforcing Immigration Law Threatens National Security”
LXVII. O’Reilly Asks Bush Campaigner Sami Al Arian How His Son’s Congressional Intern Job Is Going
The 54th Enron A.D.
2001 Q4
The Top Eighth Enron Of Your Enron
I. Enron Reminder: Watkins Blew The Whistle How Long Ago?
II. Noonan Asks Whistleblower Watkins: “What Were Your First Thoughts Upon Seeing The Burning CFTC Enforcement Offices?”
III. 1993 Flashback; A Federal Call For IT (Remember von Hayek?)
IV. $400,000 A Year Computer Service Jobs Flee Religious Persecution To India
V. Why Didn’t Bin Laden Attack Bermuda?
VI. They Hate Us; Lets Rethink Teaching Them To Fly
VII. Enron Executives Hear Of Whistleblower Watkins; Harper-Collins Still Hasn’t Heard Of Whistleblower Watkins
VIII. More Millionaire Enron Executives Than Ever
IX. Work Accountants Don’t Want To Do; Enron Dictionary: “Menial Job” Defined: “Shredding Documents”
X. Phil & Wendy Send Letter To Wall Street Journal: “Econ 101; Poor Folks Can’t Freeze Executive Assets”
XI. Back To The Old Reality: Enron IS ECON 101
XII. First Anthrax Death; Pitt Rigs SEC – Makes Kinder & Gentler Place For Accountants; Anthrax Fears Hit Enron Paper Shredders
XIII. Greenspan Signs Off On Double-Debasement
XIV. Bush Signs: “The Patriot Act”
XV. Bush Signs The “I Don’t Know Anything About Enron Act”
XVI. Nobody At The Treasury Wishes To Intervene With The Enron Debasement; Employees Younger Than 50 Hope Somebody Helps Enron;
XVII. Enron Secures $1 Billion In New Credit; 29 Enron Executives Cash Out Of More Than $1Billion
XVIII. Bin Laden Ends Carlyle Group Relationship
XIX. Peter G. Peterson Joins ImClone
XX. El Paso Suspects A Classic Enron Single-Guy Conspiracy Afoot
XXI. Executive Order 13233; Bush Definitely Rethinks The Promise Of The Internet
XXII. Southern India Nuclear Plant; Russia Takes Over Where Enron Left Off
XXIII. Whalley Ponders Whether “Calm Has Actually Returned”
XXIV. Amber Alert Lowered; Dynegy Hears Of James Daniel Watkins Disappearance Near Lay Mansion; Still Has Yet To Hear Of Whistleblower Watkins
XXV. 29 Executives Acknowledge That Enron Made Billions Of Dollars Of “Very Bad Investments”
XXVI. Enron & Dynegy Rise In Very Heavy Trading In THe Wake Of Dynegy’s Merger Announcement
XXVII. American Air Flight 587 Falls In Very Heavy Trading In The Wake Of Dynegy’s Merger Announcement
XXVIII. U.S. Rethinks Releasing Suspects Held On Secret Evidence
XXIX. Enron Bankruptcy-2 Days: 500 Enron Executives Award Themselves Big Bonuses – So They Can Give Poor Folk Jobs
XXX. Enron Bankruptcy-1 Day: Body Of Watkins Found: “This Kind Of Thing Just Doesn’t Happen At Pikes’ Peak”
XXXI. Wall Street Journal Confuses 2001 With 2002; George Washington’s Real Age Becomes More Of A Mystery
XXXII. Bush Shows What Is Meant By “Land Of Law”; Presents Stock Market With Early Christmas Gift; Railroad Pensions Boost Stock Market
XXXIII. Flies In India’s Burgundy
XXXIV. Irv & Earl Worry Americans Will Unfairly Target Muslims
XXXV. Atkins & Glassman: Bush Names Two New Foxes To Guard SEC Henhouse; Winnick Breaths Sigh Of Relief
XXXVI. IRS Notices Erie Otters Moonlighting As Telecommunications Enterprise
The 54th Enron A.D.
2002 Q1
Top Ninth Of Your Enron
I. Shouldn’t Schools Know How To Document Students?
II. Secret Payments; Thomas Aquinas Sees Tyco Windfall
III. Hatch & Harken Blurb HealthSouth Coffee Table Book
IV. Ashcroft Remembers He Owned Enron Stock
V. Round 2; Tyco Debasement Due To Baseless Rumors
VI. How Can One Pearl Be So Levy
VII. Bush Chokes On Pretzel; Lay Resigns; Pearl Kidnapped; Peterson Leaves ImClone; Baxter Commits Suicide
VIII. Jeb Bush Advisor McInturff Says: “Enron Is A Much Bigger Story Than Anyone In Washington Realizes,” “People Are Making The Connections”
IX. Wall Street Journal Prints The Enron ImClone Connection
X. Bush Declares Enron, ImClone, Bristol-Meyers & University Of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center To Be An “Axis Of Evil”
XI. Bob Dole Writes: “We Have Learned That Politicians Can Be Statesmen, That Presidents Can Be Looked Up To.” “Even People Normally Suspicious Of Big Brother Are Willing To Cut Their Government A Little Slack, If They Trust Their Leaders”
XII. Bob Dole Sends His Assistant Down The Block To Riggs Bank To Pick Up The Usual $8,000.00 Roll Of C-Notes
XIII. The Justice Department Spends $8,000.00 On Curtains To Cover Up Two Seminude Statues
XIV. Pitt Becomes SEC Chairman
XV. McCloskey (Remember Him?) Emails Belnick: “Remember you Are Bigger Than Tyco.” “It Does Not Have An Immortal Soul”
XVI. Tyco Discloses $8 Billion Spent On More Than 700 Acquisitions While Trustbuster Klein Investigated Microsoft
XVII. Bold & Beautiful: Lay & Bell, Scrushy And Motolla; HealthSouth Starts To Rock
XVIII. Lay Invokes 5th
XIX. Arthur Anderson School Of Business Teaches Danforth How To Operate Shredder
XX. Who Killed Daniel Pearl.. Indeed
XXI. Valentines’ Day; Bush Loves New Kyoto Name: Building Institutions For A Better Environment”
XXII. Northern Trust Sees WorldCom Windfall; Still Grateful For WTC Office Relocation
XXIII. Northrop Continues Monopoly – But Now It Is Because “IT’S WAR!”
XXIV. Merck Drops Anderson; Recommends Vioxx
XXV. Enron Question #1: George & Babs Sold Their Shares Of Global Crossing On November, 1999.. If Politics Matter – When Did Terry McAuliffe Sell His?
XXVI. Enron Question #2: India Is Now Ahead Of The U.S. In Telecommunications. Name One India Telecommunications Company?
XXVII. Enron Question #3: What Did Global Crossing & Tyco Do? If You Answered: “Global Crossing Built A Bridge Over The River Kwai,” You Might Be Right
XXVIII. Vanderbilt Targets Jewish Students Due To Their Ability To Count Money
XXIX. AOL Announces $54 Billion Charge
The 54th Enron A.D.
2002 Q2
I. Enron “Luck Of The Draw” Picks Harmon
II. Oh.. Oh.. The World’s First Whistleblower “Gets Real”
III. Vines Begins To Show Bush’s Promise Of The Internet May Have Been Right After All
IV. Scrushy Makes Lucky Call; Excercises HealthSouth Options
V. More Extraordinary Luck; Hatch, Scully, Hanson & And The FBI Straighten It Out; Medicare Changes Policy After Scrushy Cashes Out; (Remember Hanson?)
VI. Employees Watch As Another Company Gets “No Congressional Help”
VII. Scrushy, HealthSouth & Chandra Levy; FBI Trims Efforts To Combat White Collar Crime Health Care Fraud And Kidnapping
VIII. New York Law School Professor & Internet Porn Addict Gets Off Easy
IX. Dana Rice; Apparent Suicide, Governor Guinn Hears News Of Waksal Arrest; Nevada Cancer Institute Suggested As Waksal Holding Cell
X. Elizabeth Smart Abducted; FBI Decision To Curb Kidnapping Efforts Fail To “Blanket TV News”
XI. WorldCom Stuns Outside Investors
The 54th Enron A.D.
2002 Q3
I. Bush Suggests Handcuffing “One” Corporate Bastard
II. The Newly Created Corporate Crime Task Force Handcuff President Bush
III. Hussein’s Step-Son Enrolls At Florida Flight School; But Its Cool, Because “He Is A Pilot”
IV. Spitzer & Grubman Have Issues To Resolve
V. Scrushy’s Accountant Massey Assists In “Dead-Guy” Defense; Commits Suicide
VI. Senate Pretends To Bar Offshore Tax-Havens
VII. NY Law School Has Depressing News
VIII. UBS Recommends Scrushy Rename His Powerboat “Project Crimson”
IX. What Did They Know And When Did They Know It Becomes “The Perfect Is The Enemy Of The Good”
X. Ashcroft Calls Ms. Martin, Fulbright & Jaworski To Washington; They All Pitch In To Buy A Quart Of Montgomery Moonshine, 13 Defective Parachutes And A Modified Blue 1990 Chevrolet Caprice For The Trip
XI. New York Prosecutors Charge Kozlowski & Schwartz For “Running A Typical American Enterprise”
XII. Belnick Charged For Having Deep Religious Questions
XIII. 200 Corporate Crimefighters Begin To Wonder How Safe It Is To Fill-up At A Washington Gas Station
The 54th Enron A.D.
2002 Q4
This is The Top Ninth Of Eleven Of Your Enron and is very. very controversial and dangerous
As Part Of Bush’s Crackdown On Corporate Crooks, IBM Adds PWC’s Consulting Arm
D.C. Sniper Takes Aim At Sarbanes Oxley Act
Veritas Discovers CFO Not On American Student List
Scrushy Puts Out An All Points Bulletin For A White Van
Sniper Reiterates: “It Is Not A White Van”
Phil Gramm Transforms From Banking Janitor To Banking Lawmaker To Banking Insider
Malvo Laundry; Archaeologists Unearth Distillery In George Washington’s Home
Malvo Takes Aim At Tenet Health Share Price
Tenet/NME Begins Debasement
Bush Gives SEC A Haircut
Burial Box Found To Contain $208 Million In C-Notes Orginally Set Aside For Sarbanes-Oxley Enforcement Budget
WorldComAdmits “False Prophets”; GSA Extends Contract With WorldCom Proving Sarbanes-Oxley Works Every Bit As Well As Democracy
Bush Budget Cut Keeps Harvey Pitt From Investigating Himself
Homeland Security Allows Provision Allowing Contracting Between Companies Incorporated On Foreign Soil And Homeland Defense
Grubman Twins Admitted Into 92nd Street Hebrew “Y”
Wall Street journal Reports Citigroup’s Soloman Smith Barney, Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs Group, Inc., Deutsch Bank AG & US Bancorp’s Piper Jaffray Unit All Deleted All Their Records; Point Finger Of Blame On bin Laden
Bush The MBA Denies Discussing Business With Lay
Frist Heals HealthSouth’s Wounds
Merry Christmas; Wall Street Journal Runs Piece On Ties To Enron, ImClone& Bush; I Begin Writing “Either You Are With Us – Or The Wall Street Journal Has Implied That You Might Be Onto Us”
The 54th Enron A.D.
2003 Q1
Top-Tenth Of The Eleventh Enron Of Your Enron
I. Legal Defense; Tyco Doesn’t Know Everything They Make – But Everything They Make Is Vital; Just Ask Juror #4
II. Citigroup, Solomon Smith Barney Immune To Law
III. Counter-Information-Revolution; Junior “Gets The Truth Out There”; The Internet Promise Begins
IV. HealthSouth Luck: FBI Doesn’t Do Healthcare Or White Collar Fraud
V. Bush Campaigner & White House Guest Charged For Helping Jihad Terrorist Group
VI. Pristine Audits Raise Terror Alert Status
VII. HealthSouth Breaks Up 39 Miles Over Texas
VIII. Quatrone Never Visited The Space Center; Krugel Admits To Space Shuttle Tampering
IX. HealthSouth Puts The War-Clock At 5-Minutes Till Midnight
X. #47557 Questions Alabama CON Vote On 9-11
XI. SEC Says: “You Gotta Believe”
XII. #48043 Unaware Of FBI Sweeping Overhaul
XIII. #48121 Questions Scrushy “Family Affair”
XIV. Bin Laden Vows Digital Hospital Attack
XV. #48204; Breast Augmentations “Get Real”
XVI. Digital Heart Hospital In Indiana; When Was This CON Voted On?
XVII. Rather Interviews Hussein – Then.. Richard Scrushy
XVIII. Raytheon Punished For Dutch Settlement Scheme
XIX. Florida Professor Mum On White House Visits
XX. Computer Sciences Buys DynCorp
XXI. Elizabeth Interviews Barbara Ley Toffler & Diane Rehm; Toffler Concedes Bristol-Meyers Cooked Books To Fund ImClone
XXII. War Footing; Justice Department Quietly Drops Much Publicized Rules To Slash The Time Foreigners Can Stay In The U.S. On Visas
XXIII. Pfc. Jessica Lynch Sells 80,000 Shares Of HealthSouth Stock
XXIV. HealthSouth Raid Raises Security Alert Level To “Orange”
XXV. Gingrich Choice For Congressman Thinks There Are “8,000 Companies Out There With Shit On Their Balance Sheets”
XXVI. Day 1: Iraq Assault; HealthSouth Shares Fall 97%; Assault = Shock; HealthSouth Shares = Awe; Hatch & Scully Amazed At HealthSouth & Iraq War Coincidence
XXVII. Apple Awards Gore For Failure To Back Up Years Of White House Email
XXVIII. U.S. Forces Open Fire On HealthSouth Media Coverage
XXIX. SOX In Hamper; Bush Stashes Money Saved From SOX Budget In Christ’s Burial Box
XXX. Hawash; Intel Looses A Cheap Geek To War On Terror
XXXI. #51314; “Everyone Sees What I Have Been Talking About”
XXXII. Bush Promise Of Internet Put On Hold; Information Revolution Still On Life Support
Enron Final-Stage
2003 Q2
Six Stars Out Of 5
Pfc. Jessica Lynch Rescues Richard Scrushy
Doubleday Publishes Dan Brown’s “The Legatus Code”
Tenet’s Barbakow Avoids HealthSouth Contagion; Saddam Statue Topples HealthSouth Hearing; World’s First Whistleblower Testifies
Congress’ Investigation Starts At Hatch’s Office To Save The Taxpayers A Little Money
Kissinger Gives CA Keynote Address: “How To Pretend To Sell Software”
Enron’s Reed Avoids Scrutiny; Oversees U Of Tex Risk
Wheels Fall Off HealthSouth Wagon; Birmingham Physicians Forget How To Spell Scrushy’s Last Name; Stick Figures Plead Fifth
Ellison Says: “End Of Silicon Valley As We Know It”.. “The Next Big Thing Ain’t Computers.. Its Biotechnology Like Vioxx”
McMillan; Navy Secretary Mulls Bailing Out
Bombs Attack Saudi Compound & Yale Law School
Enron Ties Catch Up With Army Secretary
CIA, FBI, Justice Department; Another Expectations Gap
Rudolph Arranges Giant Christian Fundamentalist Voter-Registration Drive; Another Bastard Handcuffed
Enron Laundry Hamper Reaches Maximum Capacity
Enron Dictionary: “Unlikely Cause” Defined: Money Laundering
“Tyco Lawyer’s Windfall Goes To Unlikely Cause”
See.. I Wasn’t Kidding
State Considers Separation Of Church And Industrial Monopolies
Enron Dictionary: “Unlikely Advocate” Definition: “Terror Enthusiast” (see: “Jihadist,” see “Rove”)
“In Tough Times Muslims Count On Unlikely Advocate”
See.. I wasn’t Kidding
Northrop Grumman Takes On The Pulsing Zombies
Enron Dictionary: “Pristine Audit” Definition: “E&Y Expectations Gap”
“What Ernst Did For HealthSouth”
See.. I Wasn’t Kidding
“House Votes 253-170 To Move Nearly All Class-Action Lawsuits From State To Federal Courts.. Reducing Frivolous Litigation
Enron Dictionary: “Frivolous Litigation” Definition: “Decade Of Fraud”
FERC Finds Roaring-20s Style Utility Abuses Limited To 60 Energy Companies
Go-Go 90s; Ebbers & Party In Decade Of Fraud Guilty Of Only One Charge:
Doing What They Were Told To Do
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