17 Enrons Before Christ (Satire To Avoid Libel)
A Wise-Investor Would Start Here
The 1st Enron Before Christ
4004-3100 B.C.
Enron Rating: ****
I. The 5,836-Year Canal Revolution Begins
II. Wheel Patent Loopholes
III. Early Egyptian Outsourcing
IV. The First Intifada
V. The First Use Of The Term.. “Unite”
The 2nd Enron B.C.
3000-2000 B.C.
Enron Rating: ****
I. Wheel Round – Earth Flat
II. Global Consumers Want Cheap Products And Services
III. The Dawn Of Rugged Individualism And The Single-Minded Pursuit Of Profit
IV. The Spread Of Outsourcing; Everything Has Got To Go
V. “Spread” = “Pirated”
VI. The Great Iron-Emigration Or.. “Bridging The Iron Divide”
VII. Mesopotamia’s Shatt-el-hai Canal
VIII. Arthur Anderson Hangs A Shingle In Crete; The Rise Of The “Accountant”
IX. What Are Accountants For Anyway?
X. More Minoan Millionaires Then Ever
XI. Noah’s Livestock Transfer
XII. Jobs Hittites Don’t Want
The 3rd Enron B. C.
2000-1500 B.C.
Just Another Enron
I. One Nation Founded Under Gilgamesh
II. Another Iron-Age Enron
III. Extending Nile Navigation; Egypt’s Second Canal
IV. Hungry Canaan Herders; An Unlikely Trek From Famine To Nile River Luck
V. Nubian Gold Imports
VI. Megalith Mis-Management; Still Too Stubborn To Use The Wheel
VII. Labor Troubles In Thebes
VIII. Gold Becomes Standard For International Trade
IX. More Mycenaean Millionaires Then Ever
The 4th Enron B.C.
1500-1250 B.C.
I. Another Iron Enron
II. Debasing The Gold Shekel; “Judging” Purity.. Or A Matter Of Trust?
III. The First Enron Exodus
IV. Troy Terrorists Have The Major Hots For Helen
V. Bridging The Metallic Weaponry Divide
VI. Just Another Enron
The 5th Enron B.C.
1250-1000 B.C.
I. Kenneth Lay and Ron Brown Visit Emperor Chou
II. China’s First Road Network
III. More Iron Outsourcing
IV. Moses Meets Lucky Lucianno
V. Freedom From Bondage; So Who’s Digging Canals?
VI. Moses Receives 20 Commandments; Arthur Anderson Only Counts Ten
VII. Just Another Enron
The 6th E.B.C. (Enron Before Christ)
1000-750 B.C.
Very Close To A Top-Ten Enron B.C.
I. 750 = 1492
II. Greek Colonists Everywhere = Dark Age Of Greece
III. A Dark Age Remains East
IV. Greek Breaking News: Food Producers Starve; Traders Flourish.. Go Figure
V. Pragmatism & Progress Head West
VI. Persecution & Opportunity Head West
VII. Luck & Achievement Head West
VIII. Knowledge & Innovation Head West
IX. Amos Predicts Another Round Of Deportation & Colonization Soon To Head West
X. Egypt’s Beer Insurrection
XI. “Unity” And Waterway Modernization Make A Second Appearance
XII. Early Aqueducts
XIII. Aqueducts Head West
The 7th E.B.C.
750-650 B.C.
I. Iron Pirated To Britain
II. Westward Colonization Continues
III. Isaiah Predicts Mankind To Begin Counting Forward In 700 Years
IV. Babylon Documents Lost In Euphrates Flood
V. Red Sea Canal Begun By Pharaoh Nechos
VI. Necho Departs Ramses Canal To Circumnavigate Africa
VII. Some Coins Are Made Of Pure Gold.. Others Aren’t
The 8th E.B.C.
650-550 B.C.
Enron Rating *****
I. Classic Greek Poetry Diverts Attention From Foreign Nation-Building & Global Canal Mania
II. Iron Outsourced To China & Africa: Homeland Wages Stabilized
III. Economists Predict China To Undergo Period Of Economic Growth
IV. China Completes 260-Mile Wild Goose Canal
V. The Tyrant Of Corinth Has Canal Dreams Too; Opts For Road Construction Instead
VI. Greek Debt Relief For Upper & Lower Classes
VII. Global Rise Of Non-Denominational Faith-Based Initiatives
VIII. Another Gold Coin Debasement
IX. Another Rise In Demand For Canal Labor
X. Another Enron Exodus
The 9th E.B.C.
550-500 B.C.
I. Construction Boom In Rome
II. Wide-Spread Water-Modernization Mania Continues
III. Reckless Immigration Policy Becomes Water-Cooler Talk In Italy
IV. Darius I Completes Red Sea Canal
V. Army Service Compulsory For Athens Citizenship
VI. A Republic In Rome
VII. Cleisthenes Proclaims: “All Politicians Lie – No News There”
VIII. Greece Discovers The Hidden Value Of 2-Party System
IX. 1-Party = King; 2nd Party = King’s Advisors (Swap When Needed)
The 10th E.B.C.
500-400 B.C.
I. Sophocles: The Greatest Greek Diversionist
II. Rome Feeling Effects Of Worker Unrest
III. Roman Law Code: “The Perfect Is The Enemy Of The Good”
IV. Canal Construction Boom Continues In China
V. A Dictatorship In Rome; So Much For The Republic
VI. First Use Of WMDs
VII. Ptolemy Convenes Closed-Door Red Sea Canal Task Force
VIII. Caste System Solves Labor Problem In India
IX. Tyranny, Dictatorship, & Persian Wars Solve Labor Problem In Persia, Greece and Rome
X. War Labor Builds Persian Roads
XI. War Labor Builds Lighthouse At Alexandria
XII. War Labor.. Builds
The 11th E.B.C.
400-350 B.C.
Enron Rating: ***
I. Pindar Writes: “She Was Only A Salt-Miner’s Daughter”
II. War Labor Unifies China; Chinese Soldiers Really Dig Their Canals
III. Outsourcing To Everywhere Possible.. Continues
IV. Roman Roads Bridge Italian Geographic Divide
V. Chinese Think-Tanks Emphasize Careers In Canal & Wall Construction
VI. Menial Jobs Huns Don’t Want
The 12th E.B.C.
350-300 B.C.
I. The “Unification” Boom Spreads
II. Samnite War Labor Builds Nations; Provides Further Wage Stability
III. Road Mania In Italy; Water Utility Monopoly In Rome
IV. Plato Introduces Public Utility Holding Company Act Of 335
V. Era Of Big Roman Government
VI. Huns Learn The Art Of Trade-Route Construction
VII. Banks Promote War On Terror; Trade Enhanced In Egypt, Cyrene, Rome, And Carthage
VIII. Chandragupta Dines With Alexander And Discusses Outsourcing Prospects
IX. Celtic Coinage vs. Roman Coinage
X. Roman Enterprise Institute Tackles Urban Sprawl & Civilian Unrest
XI. Corinth Has Disastrous Flood Fears; Poseidon Is Anti-Canal And Anti-Global Trade
The 13th E.B.C.
300-250 B.C.
I. Do You Think The World Revolves Around You?
II. Azurix Aqueducts Inc Launches Initial Public Offering Of Its Water Unit
III. Roman Revenue Service Quietly Folds Up Its Case Against The Way Road Corporations Classify Debt
IV. Ptolemy II Widens Canal
V. Plutarch Warns: “Gladiators Tiring Of Road Construction”
VI. Glass Blowing In Syria; Outsourced To Virginia In The 17th Century A.D.
The 14th E.B.C.
250-150 B.C.
I. “China” Becomes A Metaphor For “Canal Construction”
II. Eratosthenes Estimates The Flat Earth’s Circumference
III. Spanish Leaders Treated For Canal Construction Obsession
IV. China United & Divided At The Same Time
V. Chinese Banks Commission Great Wall Trade-Route Project
VI. Coal Industry Outsourced To China For Very First Time
VII. Use Of Coal Not Yet Invented
The 15th E.B.C.
150-100 B.C.
Enron Rating: *****
I. Silk Road; Canal Mania; Camel Train
II. Global Trade-Route Construction [Unification] At Greatest Extent
III. Homeland Labor Force Sees Little Benefit From Unprecedented Expansion Of Global Trade-Routes
IV. Outsourcing At Greatest Extent
V. Civil Unrest At Greatest Extent
VI. Demand For Faith-Based Initiative At Highest Point It May Ever Get
VII. Demand For Reformation Of Time As It Is Currently Measured At Greatest Extent
VIII. Coal Barges Observed On Chinese Canal System
IX. Iron Monopolists In China
X. Chinese Monopolists In India
XI. Rome Prosperity Ends
XII. Major Public Work Projects In Rome
XIII. Menial Jobs Slaves Don’t Want
XIV. First Stone Bridge And Paved Streets In Rome
XV. Female Slaves Break Through Glass Ceiling
XVI. Urban Sprawl Declared Public Enemy #1
XVII. Buddhist Extremists In Greece
XVIII. Land Distribution And Reform In Rome
XIX. Slave Revolt In Sicily
XX. Rome’s Arles, France/Mediterranean Canal
XXI. Rome’s Rhine River/Mediterranean Canal
XXII. Experts Discover Silk Road Capable Of Transporting Commodities Other Than Silk
The 16th E.B.C.
100-50 B.C.
I. Rome & China Celebrate On-Time-On-Budget Road & Canal Achievement
II. Cherry Trees Emigrate From Asia Minor To Rome
III. Chinese Globalists Reach India
IV. Rome Workers Discover Who Will Pay Bill For New Trade Route
V. War Of The Allies Solves Dissatisfied Worker Problem
VI. Rome Immigration Reform & Control Act
VII. Sulla Promotes Rome As “Last Best Hope On Flat Earth”
VIII. Dictatorship Of Sulla & Messiah Rumors.. Stabilize Wages
IX. First Sit-Down Strike Of Gladiator Union
X. Military Transformation; Rumsfeld Introduces Lion Den Boot Camp
XI. Edison Tells Caesar To “Do It Big”
XII. Corinth Canal Still On Banker’s “A” List
XIII. Dictators Conclude Silk Road Budget May Require Unprecedented Faith-Based Initiative
XIV. Dictators Conclude Time As Currently Measured May Require Major Reform
XV. Late Enron Phase; Cataline Conspiracy
XVI. Gaul Booty Upsets Gold Market
XVII. Arthur Anderson Contracted To Write New Testament
XVIII. Aureaus Provides Recoinage Solution
The 17th E.B.C.
50-0 B.C.
I. Rome Outsources The Silk Industry
II. India Sees Need For An Italian-Style Faith Based Initiative
III. More Italian Millionaires Than Ever
IV. Ordinary Romans Bite Aureaus To Judge Gold Content
V. Caesar Diagnosed With Prostate Cancer
VI. Roman Senators Have PSA Checked
VII. Bristol Meyers Squibb Funds “Prostate Cancer Awareness Month”
VIII. Alexandria Commences With Silk Road Document Destruction
IX. Dutch Settlement Scheme Colonizes Carthage
X. Dictatorship Reforms Calendar
XI. Brutus Tells Caesar To “Go F__k Himself”
XII. Antony & Cleopatra Purchase Tickets On Wellstone Express Online
XIII. Rome Construction Boom
XIV. Collapse Of Rome Dictator & Beginning Of Empire (aka. More Dictatorship)
XV. de Tocqueville Tours Italy’s New Canal System And Declares “Empires Work”
XVI. Rome Outsources Glass Industry; Empire Strikes Back
XVII. Rome Senators Begin Silk Road Fraud Hearings
XVIII. Date For Public Release Of Closed-Door Silk-Road Task Force Meetings Expires
XIX. Joseph & Mary Debate Political Ramifications Of Dictatorship To Empirical Changeover
XX. Octavian Withdraws $430,000.00 In C-Notes From Riggs Bank For “Walking Around Money”
XXI. Rome Outsources Pottery Industry To Peru
XXII. Monsoon Winds And Star Of Bethlehem Increase Trade Navigation Between Indian Ocean & Red Sea
No comments
Jump to comment form | comments rss [?]